“There is always something you could have done, always a little extra or a little less you could add or take back. There were all these choices before you. There were a few ones you could have made right, there were a few wrong ones that would have made you better. But then you would never know, until you are here. Right here at the end, when it’s too late to save your world, when you can’t be your own hero anymore.” Ruckus pondered to himself as he thought of his past.
“You are who you are, you have family. A father to two adorable twin girls and a baby boy. A husband to a woman who casts fear in the heart of men when she walks into the courtroom. She saved people, saves people and comes home to your bed every night. You married her. You did wrongs but you did that right.” Ruckus stared at the family photo on the wall still deep in thought.
“Yes I did that right. But then I have ruined it many a time. I have cheated on Sally. Watched porn and fantasized myself on top of Black Sandra and Nasty Nicole. I constantly stare at Obse’s behind at church when we usher together. I might have even flirted with her. I think she likes me. I like her too.” He said aloud even as he felt himself getting hard at the thought of Obse’a body against his. He quickly snapped himself out of it by staring at the family picture again but it looked like his smiling wife was now frowning at him. He took his eyes away from the condemnation he saw there.
“I should not be thinking of this. Of pleasures or lust when there is so much trouble on ground right now. There is fire on this mountain. Why am I not running towards the extinguisher? I must be a fool.” He felt disgusted with himself that even in the nick of such a bad time, adultery still found its way into his mind.
“I should call Dr Thomas, set up an appointment and tell him I want that other treatment options they were talking about last night.” But because that would cost more money and jeopardize the education trust fund he and Sally had been saving for years. He did not want to consider it.
“This stupid sickness will rob my kids of a good life. I might do the surgery and still die. If I don’t do it according to Dr Thomas I won’t survive. What if I do it and get through this?” he thought again and that thought birthed a self-centeredness, an alluring temptation to survive no matter whose education would be on the line. He did not want that caprice to blossom, so he lit another blunt and puffed the smoke in the air with false ego to shake off the fear that he may actually die.
Read the sequel Sally, CLICK HERE
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