How exactly am I supposed to tell them that it hurts and I’m losing my mind? They keep asking if I’m okay and of course I lie with a smile on my face and I say I’m fine when in all honesty I feel like I am falling apart. We started dating on the 8th of June, 2015 and before we started dating, he was AWOL for 35 days after which he came back and we continued our love. I should have seen that as a sign but I chose to ignore it. All through last year, we had our bad times and we had our good times but thankfully the good was more than the bad. We fought and we argued but we kissed and made up. All my friends thought he walked on water and we were almost everyone’s favourite couple.
Everything changed after my birthday when he went back home to Kaduna. He never called, hardly texted. Even when I called, he would always claim to be doing something and promise to call back which never happened and when I texted, he would read but not reply. I kept telling myself things were going to get better when he came back to Lagos and after two months I got my boyfriend back with me or rather I got the remainder of who he was.
The first two weeks of his return came with us seeing fairly regularly and him spending all the money he brought back on clubbing. I advised him but he never listened to me. I still kept on trying. After then, he went AWOL again and returned only to tell me that he borrowed money from someone and that the person was not allowing him to be and he may need to defer his semester. Me being the good hearted fool, I gave him money as I have done a couple of times in the past. It wasn’t like I had much but I just really cared and wanted him to be happy and comfortable. Since the day he collected the money from me, I haven’t seen him as he is MIA again. I heard from a very reliable source that the reason I haven’t heard from him is because he has a new girl friend named Ann.
He, my reliable source and the person he borrowed money from are all living with the girl in her house. I almost lost my mind. I just started laughing like someone that just ran mad. A thousand and one things was going through my mind at that moment. All the time I wasted waiting for him, all the energy I invested in the relationship, the monogamy I practiced, the way I treated his friends like mine, the addictions I tried living with, me showing him to my mum and friends.
It hurts a lot and I don’t know when I’ll stop hurting but I’ll keep saying I’m fine. Maybe if I lie to myself a lot, I’ll start believing it.
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