In life, only one thing is certain, (asides death) no matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions are, no matter the struggle to make things right, to be a better person, to do right by your loved ones, you are going to make mistakes. You’re going to hurt people. You are going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover, there is really only one thing you can say. “Forgive and forget”. That is what they say. It’s good advice, but it is not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled, old wounds never heal and the most we can hope for, is that one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget.
There is a reason some of us are void of emotions (at least that’s what we think).We like to pretend we are hardcore and cold hearted. We like to pretend we are fearless but the truth is we are trying so hard to hide our vulnerability because somewhere deep down we think we can cut away that which haunts us. Weakness, love, family, frailty, death. It isn’t just us. I don’t know anyone who isn’t haunted by something or someone and whether we try to slice the pain away by blocking our hearts or shutting down, shove into the back of a closet, our efforts usually fail. So the only way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a new page or put an old story to rest.
Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardcore isn’t just about being tough. It’s about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You don’t have to be tough every minute of every day. It’s okay to let down your guard. In fact there are moments when it’s the best thing you can possibly do as long as you choose your moments wisely. Still, they say you don’t kick the habit until you hit rock bottom, but how do you know when you are there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go hurts even worse especially when you have been left with a scar. People have scars in all sorts of places. Like secret roadmaps of their personal histories. Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. At some point we all have to choose, do we fall back on what we know, or do we step forward to something new? It is hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us, what guides us. Our history resurfaces time after time after time. So we have to remember sometimes the most important history is the history we’re making today. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don’t. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut is long gone, the pain still lingers. What is worse, new wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should have healed years ago and never did. Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we have been and what we have overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That is what we like to think but that is not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over again before we finally get it.
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