Letter Of A Depressed Man To Life

a depressed man penastory

Dear life,
You’re a bitch and I’m sick and tired of you, and at this point I’ll like you to know that I give up. I ain’t struggling with your bitch ass self anymore cos you always win. Just when I found the courage to stand up to you and breathe, you pushed me further down than I’ve ever gone. Fuck it, I think you’ve pushed me below six feet. Although I’m not gonna end you by myself  (cos then you’ll win again) but then if I fall in a pool I’d gladly drown, I won’t run across a major road even if a truck is near by, what I’m trying to say here is that; life if you decide to leave me at this point I’m not gonna fight for you, I’m gonna let you go cos I’ve never been happy in this relationship and yes I don’t have the guts to end it. 

   I know you must be like ”why is he complaining, it could be worse.” See that’s what you tell me just before you take one more thing from me. Why can’t you ever say it could be better? Anyway I’m not gonna wait for you to make me hit rock bottom before you change your attitude towards me (which you might not), I’m just gonna give up on you now. You know it’s funny how you’re acting like I ask for much cos really, all I ever wanted was to be happy, that’s all I asked of you. I don’t even want to be crazy happy, I just want to be as happy as the next person. I just want to smile, anyway I know it’s too much to ask of you.
Before I end this letter, I hope you’re aware that you owe me happiness. So don’t make me happy, be the dementor of my soul, take out all my joy within, leave me as an empty hollow vessel; but all this joy you take from me every single last drop of it give it to my loved ones. For what shall it profit me if they were sad and I am happy, if I lived and they died, if I have and they lack; but think of all the joy I’ll have in seeing them smile and dance and sing. So even if I cannot smile for myself oh I’ll laugh with them, I’ll reflect the smile on their faces.
Each time I look at how far you’ve brought me, I think ‘how the mighty hath fallen’ little did I know that I’ll fall farther down and you won’t leave till you were done with me. I dare to ask though, what is it that you hope to get from me at the end of this because I’ve searched myself in and out and I see nothing. It could be my flesh but how long will it sustain you? is it my soul? but it is weak, is it my talent? Oh but there are others who have more talent. Is it my joy? But you’ve ripped me off of it. I hold nothing more than the next person so set me free. Even if it is in the deep forest with no civilization, no humans, just the elements  (air, water,Sun ,earth) and trees and animals I’d be glad, and I will know I’ve lived.

Yours truly,

A Depressed Man.

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