I haven’t been able to stop crying since I heard the news of your death Ray. I was in the kitchen making your special dish of semovita and vegetable soup when I heard of the fatal plane crash. I didn’t need to be told that you were gone from me, the flight number was the one you had sent me just a few hours before take off and immediately I saw that wreckage and billowing smoke of fire on the TV screen, I felt an emptiness in me and now I realize it must have been you departing from me; leaving me hollow. The tears won’t stop coming because I feel like if I stop crying now, I would go totally numb and not feel anything again. The kids ask about daddy every day, waiting patiently for you to walk through that door, but how do I tell them that daddy is never coming back? Daddy is six feet under, or would you come back?
I am falling into pieces and the pieces are so tiny that nobody can actually help pick them up. It was you who held me from jumping off the ledge and now you had to go die sky high where I couldn’t reach you. Dearest Ray, did you have to go, I need to know? Tell me you just took a break and you are still coming back. You told me you would never leave me and you said it so sweetly that I believed you. I should have kept you with me, made you stay a bit longer but you needed to go and even though it killed me, I knew you would have been sad if you didn’t hit the road.
The damn lawyers won’t quit bugging me about your estate but the money doesn’t matter, please just come back. I will give every dime of it to hold you tonight. Just tell me where you are, I will be on my way, I can’t bear this thought of you so far away. Somebody misses you daily; somebody wishes you were here and that somebody is me. But I know deep down there is no coming back, I just have to hope there is an afterlife where we can reunite again. Wherever you are, I will find you. Please don’t go too far because I will be on my way soon but for now I have to try hold things together; guard the fort you left behind. So I will dry my tears and be strong for the children.
Till we meet again, keep resting and keep those arms wide open.
Your Lonely Half
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