Excerpt from part 1:
No!!! God!!! What is happening? Not my voice again. I looked back to where Shade was standing and I watched carefully as tears slowly strolled down her cheeks. I hated to see her cry but I hated more to see myself go through such evil transformation. Something was wrong and as we both wept bitterly, we knew we had to do something.
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Days grew into weeks, weeks into months, months into a full blown year and nothing seemed to change except for my breasts. There was nothing I hadn’t tried. I had gone on several dry fasts, prayed ceaselessly and cried endlessly but it all seemed like God wasn’t listening. It all seemed like the more I attempted to get rid of them, the more they became rounder and firmer. Gosh!!! My life had suddenly turned upside down.
I suddenly started to feel different, not because I thought I was turning into a woman. That would have been simple to understand. I just knew that all of a sudden I couldn’t relate to being a boy and, eventually, being a man. I stopped connecting to my male friends. I wanted to sit and be pretty, even though I was Sade’s man. Around that time, I started locking myself in the bathroom whenever I went visiting Sade. I was fascinated by her sanitary towels, wrapped in pink and white and perched atop the toilet bowl. They were the ultimate feminine symbol even though I was ignorant of their purpose.
I would raid her make-up bag, slathering my face with foundation, lipstick and mascara. I would bring her blouses and trouser suits into the bathroom, enjoying the thrill of doing up bows and zips, and posing. I would turn my face to the mirror like I was in a music video and a woman would return my gaze. Then, eventually, a knock at the door would shatter the fantasy. Sade had become suspicious of my lonely moments and always intruded.
“Baby…baby you have to calm down, it would be fine,” became her favourite line in the last 12 months but was it actually going to be fine? Was I going to go to sleep one night and by morning, my breasts would have disappeared? Was Sade going to stick by me forever or was she going to give up and walk away soon? *breaks down sobbing* I guess she heard my thoughts but who was going to blame her? You? Don’t you dare!!! You have no idea what the poor girl went through? Had it been you, would have stayed for a week? You know it is very easy to condemn and judge, we feel safer when we criticize because we are not the ones wearing the shoes that pinches but have you ever thought of how it would feel if the tables were turned?
Life became more miserable for me without Sade. My second year as a woman was worse without her. I couldn’t think straight, I started eating less and to make matters worse, my muscle mass became leaner. My shoulders, thighs, arms, and my waist thinned out. I became fleshier around my hips and bum. It felt strange but at this point I had gotten used to it. I looked in the mirror and, slowly, I was morphing into my late mother. I looked so much like her. I was still staring at myself in the mirror when I heard the knock that changed my story.
There at my door front, a man stood, eyes fixed on me. I had long since stopped having visitors so I wondered who he was but there was something familiar about him. He dipped his hand into his bag and brought out a photo and then it suddenly became obvious. The whole secret of what she had left me for became open. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “You lost a girlfriend and now you have a boyfriend.” I looked him in the eyes and began to cry because I loved her so much but her changing to him shows that she loved me more. Right there, all the years of anguish and confusion fell away.
P.S:- We are currently somewhere in New York and Sade now goes by the name Femi and I, Sade.
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