Daphne’s Diary Of Depression

They were all gathered together crying over her lifeless body wondering what to do. I was furious, another pepper-them-gang has somehow managed to kill their friend and yet they stood there crying; totally unaware of the role they played in her death. I grabbed the arm of the first girl tight and pulled her away from the rest. Her tears stopped, she was obviously confused; I stopped a good distance away from the scene. I didn’t let go yet, I looked into her eyes red from all the tears with mine stinging from the tears my anger held back.

“It’s your entire fault, you’re all to blame she’s dead, just because of you.”

Startled and with a shaky voice she replied me after some seconds, “What are you saying?” Teardrops rolled down her eyes, “How?  I mean why would you say it’s our fault?”

“Just because it is” I replied.

She started drifting to anger, “Who are you sef? What the hell are you saying? Are you mad? What sort of human being are you? That’s my friend lying over there dead and you’re saying it’s my fault. I didn’t throw her off the balcony, we were all asleep, how would we have known? Ehn? Leave me alone!”

Obviously angry now, still crying she tried to wrestle out of my grasp; we wrestled and struggled for some minutes, she eventually grew weak and I held her to the wall.

“Now listen to me, I know you. I know all of you and I know Daphne a little more than you know her. I saw her trying to throw her diary away last week, she was crying so I asked her if she was well. She gave me the diary and asked me to read it. She said I’ll understand. I don’t know why she did that but throughout my travel I read the diary…”

The story of another depressed youth that decided to end her life, Daphne’s case hurt a lot because it was very typical and could be avoided. From being a victim of child abuse at an early age to being on suicide watch at the age of eleven and living with depression for as long as I can remember and counselling people for the past four years; I’d just say my bit on depression.

Friends: Probably the first to notice when something is off with you, now their reaction to your feelings of depression goes a long way in determining the eventual outcome of your depression. Let’s take Daphne for example; her diary had stories of how she had spoken to her friends about how she felt. Their reaction?  They thought she was seeking attention, they told her that they had problems worse than hers and they didn’t go around discussing it, they told her to learn to deal with it, they swept it under the carpet and left it there.  The consequence? She learnt to hide behind a fake smile, cry in the dark and self-mutilation when it became too much. When they found out she was cutting herself, it got worse, they felt that she had gotten to a point where she would do anything to gain attention. She was alienated and treated like a psycho. She didn’t talk to other people about it because she felt she’d get the same reaction.

“Why talk to anyone they won’t understand, even my friends who should care don’t understand. I don’t even understand what’s happening with me but I’m sad, very sad. I want it to end” -Daphne’s diary.

Family: Now usually they should be the first to notice but seeing how most modern homes run and how a lot of young adults have severed relationships with their parents the family knows second or last when it’s too late. Here’s what I’ve noticed in a good number of cases; when the family knows and they’re supportive the prognosis is usually good. Let’s look at a case with a bad outcome first: an 18 year old totally sold out on becoming a doctor, already working towards it and getting good grades. Ideal child right? Not to his father though, his father wants a dentist. Why?

“I don’t trust your capabilities as a student and medicine is a tough course go for dentistry instead,” his father’s words. Another case that you’d think shouldn’t exist in this century.
Consequence of his father’s statement? He began to doubt himself and to think he was adopted or his father hated him. He got some adults to talk to his parents, his father told them all to mind their business and leave his family. He eventually dropped out of school, and began to lose interest in everything, he refused counselling. He eventually zoned out of the world totally refusing to participate in everyday activities like waking from sleep, eating, communicating, he eventually shot himself.

You,  just a little advice for you: people have different threshold for pain and different coping mechanisms in life, just because they can cope with situations and emotions that are difficult for you doesn’t mean you’re faulty. Remember you can do things they can’t do.

Don’t get comfortable in it. It’s very easy to get settled in. It would feel perfect locking yourself indoors all day, listening to music and shutting out the rest of the world for as many days as possible because life without them feels like peace. But you’re not stuck, there’s always a way out and you’ll find it.

Be happy. Happiness means different things to different people but find your happiness and hold on to it no matter what. Most depressed people I know get their happiness from making others happy, they do it so well a lot people who know them find it hard to believe they’re depressed. If you decide to do this you have to remember that you’re doing it for yourself and not them because the truth is not everyone will take time out to appreciate you. Be happy no matter what.

They don’t understand you? No problem. They don’t have to, most of them don’t even understand themselves. Try and understand you. Compliment yourself, pamper yourself, show the world how to treat you by treating yourself how you like and they’ll learn. Remember it’s not about them it’s about you.

DON’T DIE! Death is not the opposite of depression neither is it the solution. Nobody knows what happens after death so don’t be too sure that it takes the pain away. If you’ve lived this long it only means you’re strong and you can face your fears and live the life you want. Strong people don’t take their own lives. Death even has a hard time trying to take it from them.
If you do find someone you feel good talking to then talk to them. Get medical treatment too. But remember the fight against depression comes from within you, if you’re not willing to fight it then there’s hardly anything all the help in the world can do for you.
P. S: the world needs you here unless we’ll be 7billion minus one and that’s incomplete.

 

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About PenAStory

PenAStory is a group of young individuals with a passion for literature who have decided to come together to write under one platform. We seek to educate, inform as well as entertain our readers. Also, because we are targeting young literature lovers, we would like to touch on other interests of their lives hence the relationship category and because we all need a bit of motivation in our lives, we decided inspiration won't be so bad
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