It’s almost a year since we broke up but for some reason everything still reminds me of you; my playlist, my lipsticks, my clothes and certain locations. At first I didn’t regret meeting and falling in love with you, but right now I think I do. I’m still hung up on someone that may not even be thinking of me and just thinking that sucks so much.
In the last year, I have met so many people. Some you would approve of, some you would be jealous of and others you would plainly hate. I have met people that are better than you and I have met people that aren’t half the man you are but for some reason I am still here thinking of you.
I thought deleting our pictures would work but I can’t seem to delete my memories. At some point, I thought I was almost healed but I just realized I am still the same bruised, battered and broken girl.
I have tried to completely alienate our mutual friends and dated a few people, all of which I hurt in the end. These days, I warn guys off that I am a “love experiment gone bad” and they take a look at me, shake their heads, smile and see this girl with the most beautiful smile ever and every time I wish I could see myself through their eyes but the truth is I am just a heartbroken woman.
I guess the whole point of my musings is that I’m a hot mess and I desperately want to say “I am fine” and mean it. I know you may not see this but I need to let it out. I may just still be in love with you and it hurts so much. I need it to stop.
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