Then I began to make bad decisions
I closed the big black book
I blocked out religion
I became a hardened crook
Henceforth I will be playing by my own rules
Never to be any body’s fool

I amassed the accolades and applauses
Glistering medals hang on daddy’s walls
Plaques of my genius and certificates of achievements
But lately all these haven’t been taking me higher
I’m still stumbling in the dark, seeking desperately for a new kind of desire

My thanks to Dreamgun
For making sure I got that college degree
When troubles weighed me down
For never wavering in his belief I got it in me
I found solace in a cloud of smoke
A new hunger in me this awoke

Two failed attempts at suicide
The only reason I still stand here today
First was the drowning, then gulping pesticide
Never for once thinking to get on my knees and pray
I never read my Bible
I rather stumble and wobble!

I am an unrepentant sinner
I find solace in the depth of the bottle
Deluding myself that I am a winner
All it took was a death to have my fantasy shatter
Alex is no more, his body lies cold and mangled
Leaving behind a heart complicatedly tangled

I danced all night long at his funeral
To hide the depth of emptiness I feel inside
We laughed to cover the sense of rumbling betrayal
That he is gone forever from our. side
Now we can only find him, where the Saints are singing
A place of happiness and no room for mourning

I stopped believing in God
Neither did I take serious any of His word
Fragments of the Scripture
Dance around in the depths of my memory
All I long for is closure
Maybe someday I will explain these words, but for now all I want is to learn once again to pray